What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
