i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
