Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
