sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
