I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
