on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
