I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
