I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
