Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
