Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
