I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
