quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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