There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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