Where did you get a picture of my penis
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
