I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
