I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
