My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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