I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
