I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
