I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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