respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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