True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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