I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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