his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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