exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she looked like the before picture.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FUCK WHALES
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
