How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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