oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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