your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
