I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
