Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
