We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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