OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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