All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
