I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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