i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
