Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize