You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
