Say something about gay babies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize