My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
