Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
