the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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