Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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