i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
