...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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