True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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