He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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