I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
