WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please come you make the beer taste better
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
