We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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