i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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