wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
