Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can I color on your dick again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
