oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
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