last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
