why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
