I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
