im drinking this country out of the recession.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
