my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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