And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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