Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
