there's paper in my vomit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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