Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
