I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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