this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
