I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
