Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
