i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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